Journey's End After the TARDIS Leaves
by Jaidfyre
Summary: Okay, this is my first shot at Fan Fiction. I put a LOT of thought into it. I was so flabbergasted after the Journey's End episode that I needed something to help me heal my emotions from it. I REALLY hope that it is liked by some of my fellow Whovians.


It just didn't sit well with her. After all that she had been through to get back to him. After how happy he was to see her. That hug he gave her once he had siphoned off his regeneration into his hand. Was she reading into it all? Was she seeing meaning where there was none? She had long ago accepted the fact that she would never fully understand the Doctor but this was past comprehension even for her.

She felt _his_ gaze upon her as these thoughts went through her head. She had been put in an impossible position. Here she was having to choose between a universe without her mother but _with_ the Doctor or choosing a universe with her mother and a person that _was_ but at the same time was not the Doctor. And he didn't even really let her choose. . .

Oh how she wished her impulse had not been to kiss him. But he had said them. He had said the words "I love you" and it threw her heart into a tailspin because he looked like the Doctor, he talked like the Doctor and he said what she had been longing to hear for so very long.

And then he, the real Doctor, left without a word. It was so hard not to be emotional about it all. She was trying desperately to wrap her mind around it all. How could he not know that it was him that she loved not just the travelling and excitement of being with him?

As that thought passed through her mind, it truly got her to think about it. What he had given her was _himself._ Vulnerable, fragile, unable to accomplish all that he was used to but still with 900 plus years of memories and guilt. He gave her the part of him that he hadn't allowed himself to give as a Time Lord.

She all of a sudden came to the realization that she was holding his hand. It seemed so natural. She didn't even know how long they had been standing there watching the empty spot where the TARDIS had been.

She turns and holds this Doctor close to her because she knows _he_ was right. This Doctor does need her. Not as much as HER Doctor needs her (as she will always think of him in her head) but she loves him enough to respect his wishes . . . for now. Oh how she missed him, and her TARDIS too. Her dear TARDIS, who shared and continues to share with Rose her love for the Doctor unselfishly.

Her Doctor left so abruptly she didn't get the chance to really talk to him. She didn't get the chance to tell him her news. As she watched the TARDIS disappear she felt her insides being pulled with them. The Doctor just didn't understand that she was as much a part of the TARDIS as he was now. All that long time she spent working for Torchwood, endeavoring to build a dimension cannon wasn't the only thing that she was busy doing.

Funnily enough, she wasn't the first to notice it. Her mum had. One day, she took Rose aside and asked her if she was daft or something for not noticing the changes in her. Typical Jackie, not one for softening a blow.

Once she pointed it out, Rose kept seeing all the signs pointing to the truth. She was and always would be Rose Tyler, but she also had become and always would be the Bad Wolf. Out of fear, the Doctor had only informed her of the bare minimum believing that it would be too much for her to handle. Once Rose started seeing the change in herself, she reached deep down and stirred those memories that had been buried. Yes, she was the Bad Wolf. By looking into the heart of the TARDIS she had absorbed some of its very essence into herself. As much as the Doctor tried to "save" her by absorbing the vortex, he could not take away the TARDIS's gift to her. Not immortality, that was something that could be achieved by very few, but time no longer progressed for her as it did for most humans.

On the beach, when this new Doctor promised her that he would be able to grow old and die with her, she knew that would not be the case. This was not at all how she imagined telling her Doctor the news but he was so determined that she look after the new Doctor that she couldn't bear to go against his wishes. She knew the new Doctor had the same feelings for her as her Doctor so how could she abandon him? She had to be unselfish yet again so that she could look after this fragile version of her Doctor until the day he died. She would love him and care for him, but she could never give him her whole heart. That was reserved for her Doctor. Once this new Doctor had lived out his years, she would once again search for her Doctor until she found him. She had no idea what he would look like by then but she knew that wouldn't matter. With the love she felt for him, she knew that it was far beyond the physical. She only wished there was a way to reach out to him now to let him know that there was still a reason to hope, that there was still something to have faith in. Her love was not a fickle thing that would let you down, but something so enduring and true.

Pushing these thoughts aside for the time being as she held the new Doctor's hand sadly watching her love and her best friend disappear she prayed that she would be able to give the new Doctor the love he needed without him seeing through her farce.

Silently, hand in hand, they had watched the TARDIS disappear with that familiar sound of the universe. Another universe that was no longer hers, at least for now.

Slowly Rose became aware that the Doctor's eyes were upon her. She shuddered internally with the thought that she really didn't know what to call him. If just felt wrong somehow to call him "Doctor."

Jackie softly interrupted Rose's reverie. "Sweetheart, May I borrow your mobile to call Pete?"

"Sure, of course. Mum." Rose replied breaking her grasp on the Doctor's hand to give it to her.

Rose and the Doctor's eyes followed Jackie as she walked away, neither of them speaking just yet.

"SO! . . ." Rose and the Doctor began simultaneously.

They both broke out in a nervous giggle at the coincidence. The ice broken, the Doctor couldn't resist folding Rose into his arms protectively as he's always done. His Rose.

"Doctor?" Rose asked hesitantly, her voice muffled.

The Doctor smiled at the fact that she referred to him by his self-given title still. "Rose," he sighed, resigning himself to what he was about to say, "I think you should call me John. When I took on human form some time ago, that was the name I went by." As Rose looked at him credulously upon hearing his words, the new Doctor, John, reassured her "I'm honestly fine going by that name. Doctor John Smith, that's me." he grinned at her.

"Well, John. . ."Rose said hesitantly, trying out the new name, "We have a lot to talk about." she stated matter of factly as she separated herself from him enough to look into his eyes.

"Well, you were always one for stating the obvious, weren't you?" He asked teasingly.

"Really, Doctor . . . John . . . do you really think this is the time for jokes?"

John smiled to himself that she at least thought he was enough like the Doctor to have a hard time separating him from him and said, "No, no, I guess you're right. Well then, where would you like to begin?"

"Loaded question, that. How about you start."

"I have a better idea, Rose Tyler, why don't you tell me what you are keeping from me."

"What. . ." Rose sputtered, "what do you mean keeping from you?" Her thoughts raced trying to figure out she could have given anything away.

"Come on, Rose, don't underestimate me . . . or him, for that matter. That would be downright insulting."

"Hmmmm," she said furrowing her brow, "I suppose you mean Bad Wolf."

"Oh Bad Wolf you say, as if it's the most inconsequential thing in the universe, this one or that. Yes, Bad Wolf. Rose, I was under the impression that I absorbed the Time Vortex from you to save you, thus eliminating Bad Wolf. There are some things I figured out after you were gone but I'd like to hear from you first as to what exactly happened."

"Demanding aren't we?"

"Always." John responded lifting an eyebrow at her.

Rose couldn't help but give him the grin that swelled his heart each time she bestowed it upon him. "Okay, but I expect a full report from you as well as to how the devil you know about it."

"Yes, ma'am."

"It was mum who first noticed that I was no longer getting sick. Then she noticed that the allergies I used to have to certain foods were no longer an issue. I honestly never even paid attention due to being preoccupied with. . ."

At this her voice trailed off a bit and John couldn't help but grin at the thought of his beautiful, smart Rose working hard at a way to get back to him. "Go on." he gently prodded her.

"Well," Rose began again, shaking her melancholy thoughts out of her head, "after mum brought these facts to my attention, I decided Torchwood and I would need to figure out the extent to which this new situation was affecting me."

John solemnly listened to her explain what all she went through to see how she had changed, all the while holding back his bursting pride at how far this dear little shop girl of his had come. "Nice to meet you Rose, now RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!" rang through his head. He had known she was something different but never expected her to weave her way into his life and hearts (now three of them) the way she had done.

"So, somewhere in the midst of all that testing, I decided that I needed to do something you warned me never to do."

This snapped John back to attention from the brief wander his mind had gone upon. "And what would that be, you impertinent thing?"

"I remembered. I searched deep inside the locked recesses of my mind that you endeavored to secure from me and I remembered how I had looked into the heart of the TARDIS . . ."

"But Rose," John interrupted, "You could have burned!"

"Could have but didn't, John. Would you like to know why? Because you are not the only to have had access to my mind. My dear friend did as well."

John's brows knitted together at her mysterious talk and he wished she would just get to the point. Normally his brain would have put all the pieces together by now but for the love of all things in the universe; he was somewhat out of his element here in _this_ universe confronted by a girl that confounded him beyond belief.

"Your friend? Rose, could you leave off being so puzzling and just get to the point."

Rose couldn't help laughing at John's frustration. After all, this was the smartest man she had never known and she had to relish the thought that she had this temporary advantage over him.

"I'm getting there, oh impatient one. Think back a moment to our time together, specifically in Cardiff. An adventure with Captain Jack and a certain gaseous creature?"

Rolling his eyes, John just gave Rose a withering look, "I can only guess you mean Margaret since the only other gaseous creatures we encountered in Cardiff were without Captain Jack in tow. Come to think of it, what is it with Cardiff and gaseous creatures? Maybe it has something to do with the Welsh. . ."

"Oi! Shut it! Rude, you are still! Focus!" Rose reprimanded him with laughter in her eyes. "Yes, you are right. Now if you could remember what happened when our dear little Slitheen friend looked into the TARDIS?"

"Well, she turned back into an egg. I've visited her once or twice, actually. She's doing quite well. Her foster parents adore her and she doesn't have a mean bone in her body so far."

Rose sighed in exasperation. "Again, John, focus. Did you want to hear what I had to say or not?"

"Of course, of course. So sorry. By all means continue."

"Well, she looked into the heart of the TARDIS and her dearest wish was granted, to be able to start over with a renewed understanding of life. I would hardly say she was someone the TARDIS should normally grant such a gift to. Now imagine someone she actually cared for. Someone she came to love . . . as much as I had come to love her, actually."

"Wait! NO? But yes . . . NO! It can't be?" John sputtered. "Oh I wish he had known all this!"

"What? Had known what?"

"Oh . . . nevermind. We'll get to that bit eventually. Finish telling me your story."

"John, the TARDIS loves you . . . well, you and the Doctor and she clearly saw my love as well. We would both do anything for you. Don't you get that? She gave me a gift, an impossibly mad gift. She saw my heart's desire was to be with the Doctor forever so that he would never be alone and she gave it to me. In essence, she slowed my biological clock and gave me a piece of her to keep me healthy for you . . . for him . . . for you."

"Oh Rose. Oh my dear TARDIS. My two girls."

"John, are you actually speechless?" Rose questioned him in disbelief noticing the tears forming in his eyes.

Laughing, John shook his head in disbelief, "Well, Rose, this takes the surprise out of what I was planning on telling you. Just as well, I like the bit you got to add to the story so much better. Rose Tyler, getting one up on me and surprising me still after all this time. What _am_ I going to do with you?"

"Well, John, love me for one, and let me know what you are babbling on about for two."

"Jack." The Doctor replied in one word.

"Jack?" Rose asked. "Yes, Captain Jack!" She said with a glimmer of understanding sparking in her features, "That's one of the things I wanted to ask you about. I saw him die and then he was alive. Not only that, but how did he survive the Dalek's invasion of Sattelite Five?"

"Think, Rose, think! You dug into your locked memories but there is one thing you seem to have missed still. What did you recently discover that you were able to accomplish when you absorbed the time vortex?" John asked. Then impatiently he continued before allowing her to answer, "You were able to bring Jack back to life. Unbeknownst to yourself, you did more than that. You not only brought him back to life, you made it impossible for him to die permanently. You saw that for yourself on the Crucible. Poor old Jack wandered around for about a century not knowing what had happened to him and why . . . until we met again . . . at the end of the universe . . ." at that the John's eyes clouded over for a moment.

"John?" Rose gently touched the arm resting against hers.

"Well, that's a story for another time. Where was I, oh yes, we met again, and my suspicions about him were confirmed as I saw him come back to life before my very eyes. Frightened poor Martha out of her wits. Well, after that hellish year, which I will fully fill you in on at a later date, I decided to run some tests of my own. By the way, do you ever miss your old things you left behind in the TARDIS? Your blue jean jacket, mascara and such?"

Rose threw her head back and laughed at his ridiculous query. "Not really, anymore, no. I'm not quite so shallow as to mourn the loss of a few personal items when they are compared to a greater loss. Get to the point, John. This conversation is dragging on quite enough."

John laughed, "I agree, but talking to you again is pure joy within itself."

They took a moment to look at one another appreciating the gift they were given. For a brief moment, Rose forgot that this was not truly her Doctor.

John recognized the flit of sadness that crossed her eyes and continued on to the point.

"Rose Tyler, you left behind you quite a bit of DNA in the old TARDIS. More than enough to run some tests of my own. I do believe the TARDIS has quite enough smarts of her own to help me figure out what I was beginning to suspect, especially now that I see she was hiding from me her part in all of this all along."

Slowly, the truth began to dawn on her and Rose's clear eyes searched those of the John's questioningly.

"So, you knew," Rose began. "You knew that I wasn't aging normally anymore?"

"Yes, Rose, I knew. _**We**_ knew, is a more appropriate term." He could tell her mind was hard at work trying to figure out where this revelation was going.

"Rose. We both love you so very much. You must know that. I know that I haven't always been the best at telling you how I feel but I know you must have seen it. I/he didn't lie. You did make me better when I first met you. I was still reeling from the Time War. I didn't know how to continue to live when I had fully expected to die with the rest of my people. You allowed me to see life, the universe, new again, through your eyes. Through you, I saw the best of what humans could be. All the times you were willing to risk your life to save the whole of humanity. You didn't have to think twice, Rose. Oh, and you trusted me. I didn't feel and still don't feel that I deserve that trust but you made me want to live up to it."

Rose's eyes were overflowing with tears, he couldn't believe how beautiful she looked to him even when her face was crumpled up and mascara was running down her cheeks. Slowly he took a deep breath and continued.

"I am a bit lost again, Rose. The Doctor was right, I just committed genocide yet again. Something I did not think was possible after all I have learned. I need you to save me from becoming a dark and disgruntled man angry at the universe. I am selfish and so is he, but he was willing to let that selfishness go for a little while so that the time I have left remaining can be something to be proud of. Rose, don't you see, he will be waiting for you. He knows you have a long life ahead of you and entreats you to give some of that time to me. He has faith in you as much as I do that you will find your way back to him again. Smart, beautiful, brilliant Rose."

By this time, Rose was struggling to hear the words he said to her through her ragged attempts to breathe as she sobbed. Her Doctor didn't just leave her. He didn't abandon her without a hope of ever seeing her again. She was beginning to see it now how he orchestrated it all. How he made her choose the "other" Doctor and how he just left her without a proper goodbye because he was afraid he'd lose his resolve in the end. She wanted to laugh, cry and scream at the top of her lungs. Oh, how infuriating he could be, her dear Doctor.

John looked at her incredulously wondering what thoughts could possibly be going through her mind after all of these revelations. Would their plan work out, would she still accept him. Would she, _could _she love him?

Almost as if she was reading his mind, Rose's sobs began to lessen and slowly she looked up at him with tearstained cheeks and eyes. She brought her hand up and gently cupped his face in her hand until she had locked eyes with him.

She knew she had to pick her next words carefully in order for him to believe her so she slowly allowed them to take form on her lips, "I love you, dear Doctor John Smith, as much as I love him. I promised him I would be with him forever. If that means a slight detour to share my love with you, then that is what it takes. If you can accept me as I am and the love I feel for both of you, then I would be honored to love you and care for you . . . and RUN with you to the ends of this universe."

With that being said, she lifted her other hand to his face and tilted his head down to hers and kissed him once on the forehead, once on each eyelid, and then once on the lips before looking him in the eyes again and confidently saying, "Now, let's get to work on growing our very own TARDIS. You've always said I was good at bringing out the domestic so let's put that to the test, yeah?"

Taking his hand in hers, she drew him up gently from where they were sitting.

This girl, this ordinary human, made him feel so extraordinary that words were beyond his Time Lord brain at her splendour. Once again, she was putting all of her faith in him, unreservedly, trusting him with her life. As they began to walk towards Jackie, who mercifully had given them their space, he pulled her to him in one of his long familiar protective embraces, thankful for the faith he had put in this marvelous girl of his.


End file.
